Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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