i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
