We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
