FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
