Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
