bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
