from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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