Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
