Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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