I can't watch pbs sober anymore
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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