I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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