So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
