i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
