2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
