Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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