I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
what day is it and did you see me today?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Randomize
