y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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