She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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