Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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