we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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