remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
