the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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