First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
