i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize