I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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