like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
People in love make me want to vomit
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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