why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
