I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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