I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Randomize
