I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
