I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize