P.S. I can't hear my feet
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
