Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
