Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
