My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Four minutes until I can fart!
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
