I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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