have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
