sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
