today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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