so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
