drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
