I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
