Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
