So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
