I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
i think my cat just said my name.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
