Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
