I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize