well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
