At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
