Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
