she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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