Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You smell like stripper and shame
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
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