You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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