I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
