Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
