It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
