i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He passed out mid-signature
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
