look no pants
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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