and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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