Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
COCAINE IS GR8
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
