I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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