My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
