gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
