Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
