He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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