Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
