you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
