I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
