Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
