when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I think i got beer on your cat.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
