I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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