all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
do nipples grow back?
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