You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
